I slept with a gynecologist and all I got was... well... nothing.

I think everyone would agree that if any men really know how the female body works, it's the gynecologists. You know, they spend most of the time down there, doing whatever it is they do, touching things... (In fact I find it hard to believe that they aren't bored when they actually have sex - they know all there is to know.) They should know, right? Well, what a foolish mistake.

A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in my favourite pub with my friends and we got to talking with three guys. One of them liked cycling and thought that British short story writers of the 20th century include Geoffrey Chaucer. Then there was an anesthesiologist who was absolutely certain that he was the hottest guy at the table, in the pub, in the whole world... you know... everywhere. And then... there was a third guy. He was kind of fun to talk to. He wasn't too handsome or anything, just a normal guy. But he was nice. And he said he was a gynecologist. So we talked about vaginas and uteri and breast cancer and you know, casual stuff that you normally talk about with a guy you just met. So at the end of the evening I was pretty drunk and I gave him my number. No, actually, I kind of forced him to take my number, which made me feel really embarrassed the next morning when I remembered it.

So, yeah, he texted me a couple of days later and we met in the same pub and we talked and laughed and it was nice. And then it was time to go home, so he walked me to the bus stop and then he asked me if I wanted to go to his place to see Django Unchained, which we talked about earlier. And there, just there, my brain malfunctioned and for some reason, which I can't remember now and couldn't remember 5 minutes after he asked me, I said yeah, why not.

And we went. He lives in this really quiet part of town and while we were walking there I kept thinking "you don't know this guy, he's gonna kill you somewhere and no one will ever know", but for the same insane reason that I agreed to go, I kept walking. We finally got to his house, which was very nice by the way, and he hadn't killed me, and we talked a little bit and then he told me he didn't even have Django, he'd have to download it. (I don't know why I expected to see the movie, really. I must have woken up my old naivety back at the bus stop.) And then he kissed me.

And right there I knew this wouldn't work. Have you seen the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte is dating that bad kisser guy? Well, think of something like that. His tongue kept kind of wobbling in my mouth and it was horrible, just horrible, please stop. (If he'd been doing the same thing somewhere else on my body, it could have been pretty nice, if you know what I mean.) So the clever thing would have been to get the hell out of there, right? Get out, you say, go home, get some sleep? Yes. Yes yes yes.

BUT. I didn't know where I was. How I got there. How to get back. So I just let him keep on kissing me, while I was trying to figure out what I was going to do. And I couldn't think of anything. So while he was licking my chin or whatever (I don't know, I kind of  blanked the awful kissing part out), I decided I'd stay because:
a) it was cold outside
b) I was getting tired and if I stayed I would get to sleep earlier
c) I didn't know how to get home

AND THESE ARE THE ONLY REASONS I SLEPT WITH THE GUY.

The sex was bad. B-A-D. You'd think a gynecologist would know. Nope, not the case. He knew where everything was, yeah. But he didn't know what to do with it. At all. And the horrible thing was that he seemed to be really into it. And I was so, so bored. (Orgasm? Hahahaha no.) So we had sex, fell asleep, I got the hell out of there the next morning, and we haven't contacted each other ever since.

...

So, there are a few things that concern me.

1 - How come that there are still guys who don't know how to kiss??
2 - Do girls still fall for cheesy lines like "let's go watch a movie"?? Or was that just drunk, stupid me?
3 - If gynecologists don't know how to make a girl happy in bed, how are the regular men supposed to know??

And, the most important one...

4 - AM I A SLUT???

Yes. The answer is yes, probably.